Dealing with conflict with your teen

Don’t try to reason with them when they’re angry or upset. Pick a better time and place to talk to them. Talking while you’re doing something else, like walking, baking or driving, can be easier than trying to sit them down for a chat. The YoungMinds website has some good suggestions for things you can do together that also give you time and space to talk.

Try to stay calm and listen to them. It’s important to let them know they’re being heard. Even if you don’t agree with them, showing that you have listened and considered their point of view can help. The Cyrenians and the Scottish Centre for Conflict Resolution (SCCR) have resources to help you manage any conflict at home.

If they’re lashing out or acting up, let them know there’s nothing wrong with them feeling angry or upset. But it is important to express it in a way that doesn’t lead to arguments or upset other people. Let them know it’s the behaviour that’s upsetting, not them.

Ask them questions to try to understand their point of view. Try to imagine things from their side.

Try to say things in a positive way and use straightforward language. Instead of saying “Why are you so grumpy?” say: “You seem upset about something. Do you want to talk about it?”

Let them know how their anger or the arguments are making you feel. Talking about your own feelings sets a good example. It also helps them see things from your side, too.

Let them know that you love them and are there for them.